Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
