I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
