flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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