i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
