So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
