I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
