I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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