Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
