you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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