That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
