my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
