it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
