So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
