No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
