watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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