note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
