Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We got so high we made milksteak
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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