No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
