I'm drive I can fine osifer
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
