remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
