his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
