No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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