Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm both gender and math confused
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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