I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
