sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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