Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
