Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Randomize
