oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
