She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
