turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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