i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
