have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
