Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
