In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize