What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
