Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
