I feel like abortions should bother me more
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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