They should really pass out barf bags in church
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize