Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
