How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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