I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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