Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
