OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
