she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
