Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
