About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
