i already hear my dad disowning me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
