As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
