Sry I called you an 8
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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