Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
