Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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