Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
