no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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