my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
