I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
