dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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