But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
