Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
