I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
