last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
