i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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