I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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