respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Who died my cat blue again?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
