...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
