i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
