She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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