i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
