I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
