I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
