Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I have post one night stand depression
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