Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
