3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
