brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I currently don't understand fingers.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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