I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm like, not good at living.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
