In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
