I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize