i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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