OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
