I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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