So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
