so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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