is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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